✔️ Go to store + post office
✔️ Clean Bathroom
- Wash Hair
✔️ Cut / Wash / Prep veggies
✔️ Dinner 2nite

[ 10:26 am ]
This morning, my boyfriend got up early bc we went to sleep early. We went on a walk together to the water since it was a super pretty morning. He told me that he wanted me to stop thinking of myself as an accsesory to him and that he wanted a second player. And that today I should only do things I want to, not be motivated by fear of being an inconvinince.
He's super sweet, but it's still really hard to think of anyone wanting to love me if that makes sense. I feel close to him and love him; but it feels like I am fundimentally unloveable so I have to make up for the fact that he chose me.
With that, we talked more about our future if he wants me to really 'live my own life' and what things would look like if I wasn't doing everything out of obligation.
I've always wanted to learn more about permiculture and be able to grow fresh, high-quality food for the community. When shit goes down and revolution happens, I can bet that a lot of cargo ships will stop running. There isn't any farms here besides rich ppls 'homestead' gardens, hunting & fishing are widely avalible but I think that in order to meet our survival needs in the comming future we need self-reliant communities.
I have a special intrest in permaculture; and want to be the person who can make sure that everyone gets their veggies!
Anyways, that was my plan out of high school. But after I moved to do a seasonal job so I could get the money to go WWOOFing; I fell in love and stayed here; doing odd cleaning & housekeeping jobs. I want to be with my bf; and he stays here.
So I told him a lot about what WWOOFing would entail and what I wanted to learn, and from some research found 2 farms that open in April that are just a ferry ride away. I think I might go from April - June or July next year to try it out.
I'm pretty exited now. I've been pretty aimless and just figured it would be doing odd jobs until he wants kids. And if I ever get to start my own farm I hope that I could do that + housework + childcare... might be impossible ngl.
But there is hope!
[ 12:43pm ]
I had to stop partway through writing last entry because my bf's grandparents came by with not much announcement and I had to clean @w@
We got some new appliances (air fryer, deep fryer, steamer) but also nowhere to put them... I hope he learned his lesson ngl.
But thats more options and very cool desu
We also went errand running, forgot the grocery list, and I feel horrible bc I planned meals arround the sales of when I was making the list but since its been more than a week all those sales had past and now the bill was super expensive...
Can't wait for him to just tell me what the fucking budget is or how much he makes so I can actualy plan this shit! Or for him to go on the right day so the sales are still valaid! Or just any dirrection whatsoever as to what we can and cant afford!
I'm trying my best to keep our house a home and I wish that he would give me the bare minimum information required instead of 'i dont make enough' or 'it dosent matter everything is expensive' like PLEASE just the slightest dirrection!!!!!!! I'll do what I can with what we do have!!! And ajust accordingly!!! PLEASE
Now we're home and he's playing games and I just got myself mad lol. And can't smoke bc we forgot to go and he dosent want to go out again so no weed 4 me since he wants to make the rest last through the weekend. I have no other cope I want to bash my head in violently!
[ 2:21 pm ]
Watched youtube to calm down more and now I wanna watch anime but I havent done my chores yet so I'll do that and then come back
[ 6:56pm ]
Got super tired & ended up taking a nap for like 3 hours. feels nice.
After that, we missed basically 1 of every ingredient for every dinner when we went to the store so I had to improvise lol
Turned out alright, I'm pretty awake tho and its 7pm so I hope I dont end up staying up all night. Gonna ask bf if he wants to smoke and then maybe play overwatch or i'll watch anime.
[ 7:38pm ]
Ended up just websurfing sober. He started a game as soon as I was gonna ask so I had some time to kill.
I have so many new followers lately and everyone has such cool sites~!
Angely and candlelitsmiles were some of my faves, go check them out!!
[ 8:03pm ]
Asked bf to smoke; so just waiting and changing my desktop setup!

I want to add an archive section for all of the desktop setups I use with their Rainmeter & wallpaper stuffs. Wish I could use Linux specifically for greater ricing capabilities but there are some games I couldn't give up on ;-;
Wish there was a pirated version of Window Blinds but unfortunately I am not paying that much per month just for pretty setup...
also that this is what it looks like irl lol

So yeah not much use in paying money to make the taskbar a bit nicer looking when I don't even own a desk yet lol
Had to give up on Osu!Mania because if I play more than 2 songs my wrists hurt like hell. One day, one day
In between coding I smoked and my tollerence is back to being low lololol
[ 9:04pm ]
yep not tired at all lmao. been mostly browsing /jp/ and /c/ for the last hour.
Exept bf noticed that I made my name jane on discord & laughed at it and said that it looked desperate. Still not sure why, but i'll take the blow.
I don't like Aaron anymore and jane rolls off the tounge better. I've been thinking about it since April and figured that saying you can use either name on me would be a good transition. Or at least that's what I did with my pronouns (exept he still hasn't noticed that i put exclusively it/its pronouns on discord).
I'm ok with sharing diffrent parts of myself in diffrent places, and to me that looks like staying in the closet offline and being out of the closet online. Mostly for oppurtunity reasons / to not go down in social class. It still hurts for what you show in one space to be critisized by the other and you just have to take it.