[ 9:25am ]
Just woke up a couple hours ago and was cuddling with bf in bed :3
Got up and took out the trash; and today my tasks are:
- Vaccum
- Sweep
- Check bank acc
- Dishes
- Wask / Dry / Fold Towels
- Re-do meal plan for the week to account for camping & make grocery list
- Check out Wobbly Life (game friend bought 4 me to play with them)
and once bf leaves for work i dont plan on being sober for a second!
I really just dont want to be a person today yknow? Like its all so much effort. I know why I put in the effort but today feels so much less real & more depressing. Ill just take small hits tho and try not to go out of the stratosphere
Well he just left so thats my cue! Ill at least put the towels in the wash first & open some windows (i love rainy days; i have sinus problems that make them super dry so the humidity of a rainy day is the only way i can breathe without pain)!
Updated the last blog post and vented a bit, now I'm even more sad... My birthday is like the one day of the year that I feel like I can 'be selfish' or show any wants without being ashamed because it's expected. It's literally (your) day. As a chronic people pleaser I look forward to it throughout the year as a day that I can guarentee I will feel loved.
Cleaned a bit more, and now I have to actually load my bowl (I thought I still had a half left ;-;)
[ 10:23am ]
I feel so much better now~
Listening to mosaic.wav always has that effect. Go Goal! especially for me is one of those songs that immedietly chears me up when i hear it. Sugoi! Sugoi! Gambate no ne! Mada Mada! Mada Mada! FULL FORCE!
[ 10:50am ]
Much higher than I anticipated getting ...
Been mostly listening to music and making small tweaks to the site. I love mosaic.wav!! and im really proud of my website still. But I have to get up and do somnething. I wanted to play more SubaHibi this morning so I will soon. But chores have to be done...
[ 10:57am ]
Too high for dishes thats for sure. I feel like im wasting so much time because im so dumb. Enjoying the ultimate breakfast of champions (a handfull of chocolate chips)
[ 11:55am
So I ended up just downloading gifs/images/resources for my site and finding new things for it. Next up is probably drying & folding towels. I'll try dishes again now too (begrudgingly)

[ 12:46pm ]
Came up with what to do for dinner next week & wrote out the cute grocery list & menu. I really like dootling on them and trying to make it look cute and decicing on what new recipies to try. I've been on a cooking kick and I always hated it but now its fun and i look forward to it a lot. At some point I want to make an area on this site just for recipies.
I'll go fold towels now.
AAAAAAA and i just realized that going camping on Friday = going camping in 2 days!! I have to start getting ready!!
[ 1:30pm ]
Well the only thing that got me to do the dishes was the fear of not being ready for camping. It took awhile but I feel better now that they are done. I'll pack more camp stuffs.
[ 2:05pm ]
So I ended up 'preparing' by making a lil widget/notice for when im gone camping. I mean, it's cute and I wanted to make it. I just feel like I havent done anything but fuck arround. And I don't even have the energy to do anything else.
Time to try again.
[ 2:18pm ]
well, that didnt take very long lol
I'm also starting up his laundry even tho it can wait a bit longer. His fav jacket is in the bottom and i'm gonna bet he's gonna want to take it camping.
I'm thinking about publishing this as a lead up until I add more areas; like as fixes & improvements of the main site so I can say it's done and move on. Its super daunting to start the new parts of the site, but also I have all the tools I need for it and very cool ideas that I want to make reality.
I wish I could just make my silly little website and get paid for it... maybe if I make something good that gets lucky... like if I make more useful subpages and then start taking & advertising donations. A bit of extra income would be nice...
I'll sort my new graphics and then come back.
[ 3:36pm ]
Just did a major overhaul of my mini pixels, sorted them, changed filenames, all that fun stuff. Only problem is now I have to go back though and put back in the correct names of all the emojis so they work right now.
Bf came home, but I felt really afraid the whole time for some reason. Like in pure danger mode. I think its just me getting too much in my own head ontop of feeling defeated. I want to smoke again but I'll wait for him to get back from the store.
[ 4:00pm ]
Finished with that; everything is nice and sorted now~
I need to upload the new version soon cause there are so many things I need to tweak every time I make the blog live from the html im editing. Can't wait till I can get neocities supporter and figure out how to mount my site. I could get it now; but i'd rather wait until im ready to start on the next part of the site. Don't want to waste the money, yknow.
Anyways he's still not home & its 20 minutes till funny weed time so im gonna upload everything and hope for the best!
[ 4:24pm ]
Drat, just realized I missed 4:20 :(
Anyways I just got supporter amd am trying to update the site with webdav...
Cyberduck really does not like parenthisies and so all my emojis & a lot of my file names are getting corrupted. And it won't let me get rid of it and redownload (:
I might have to redo everything i did today again...
But hey, this is so much easier than manually
[ 5:23pm ]
i have learned my lesson
i will never use spaces in file names
i will never use brackets in file names
i will never use parenthisies in file names
i just spent so fucking long updating all my files twice over. i am so tired. he still isnt home yet. i need to smoke so bad. i feel like a corpse.
[ 5:57pm ]
I still dont know how to calm down. Im still really fidgety even tho hes home and i smoked but i still feel scared. I wish I could still smoke tobacco, bc i know this just leads to paranoia and i dont know how to stop it.