Otaku Dreams & Delusions Wake Me Out Of Depression

[ 9:14am ]
So I've been gone for the last few days; just feeling really sick and depressed.
In terms of notable things that happened, I made a big ass favorite songs playlist and am about 3/4 through sorting it. It's every song that I would consider a banger, meaning that I remember it well and enjoy it a lot. It's 31 hours, but I want it to slowly fade between genres and styles so you could start anywhere on it and have a cultivated playlist of things like it.
I also have regained my otaku passion again; oddly enough by watching My Sister, My Writer. Most of the time when im not watching much anime and spending my time on 4ch or reading doujinshi, it's because my currently watching list dosent have what I want to watch and I have to wait for seasonals that intrest me. But then I get backlogged on the seasonals that I do like but aren't in the mood for. Watching complete trash incest ecchi like My Sister, My Writer reminds me of the real enjoyment I get from anime.
And the passion from that is what got me out in the end. My mind was racing all night so I didn't get much sleep. But I feel like I can do shit now. I have dreams. Or maybe delusions. Most likely delusions.
I was thinking about how I need to learn how to sew and ended up convincing myself that I can open a made-to-order cosplay shop.
Step 1 is to do my first project (wich I still need to design, get materials for, and actually put together too. not to mention finish cleaning the sewing machine and find a suitable table for it), then I want to make bf and i's costumes (Luffy and Chopper). I wanna make Chopper's costume magical girl themed especially since he's the ships doctor.
Step 2 is making some popular cosplays from things I also enjoy (reimu hakurei, lucky star school uniforms, azumanga daioh school uniforms). Model them (or hire someone to bc honestly I don't want to) for product pics, and start selling on big search sites like etsy or amazon while I work on making a new cosplay shop site. Once that's done, probably reduce prices on my home site to encourage more traffic there instead of megacorps while still being easily findable. Spread arround cosplay pics with link, and hope for orders.
Let it be known that I do not even know how to sew with a machine yet lol. This is purely hoping. But if it works out, I could stay at home and have to deal with minimal people interaction while still getting money. And putting time into a special intrest.
Speaking of wich, I decided to use my special interests like fuel instead of a thing to do when there isn't anything to do or I'm high. I hope that if I can hack the tism I can begin to function like a neurotypical. I probably won't ever get rid of my fear of others or have friends, but doing something other than getting high and hating myself is a start!
So that's all the thoughts dumped out. Today I need to focus on catching up after having not done poopoo for the last week. Gonna go to work today and finish up some chores.
[ 10:29am ]
Been listening to music and getting done with chores. Just waiting on sheets to get done in the dryer. Gonna take this chance to do some stuff online. But after the bedding gets done and i make the bed, its off to work for me weather i like it or not ;-;
Just found out about another trailer for the Hoshikuzu Telepath adaptation! I'm so exited about it!! Im predicting it will be cgdct of the year once it airs; I'm a big fan of the manga and if the anime can get the pacing right and adapts at least up until the end of the model rocket tornament arc it will be amazing.
I'm normally against youtube embeds; but let the corporation steal your data just this once so you can see the trailer!

[ 11:34am ]
Ugh i just spent $80 that i didnt have. rip.
More specifically, $20 for a big pack of mio water flavor because its the only way that bf and i will drink water and its like $8 per here. Its worth it and its one of my responsibilities that I have let go for way too long. We have both been sick and feeling bad from not drinking enough so today i end it!
And the other $60 is from fabric to make my first sewing project. I got 3 yards of muslin ($18), 1/2 yard dark denim ($9), 1 yard light denim ($19), and 1/2 yard quilting cotton. The colors are exactally what I was looking for too. I'm justifying the price because the 3 yards of muslin is for the actual pattern making and prototypes, plus I got enough to last for multiple projects. Everything can be used again and I enjoy the colors / patterens. But you bet your ass I am keeping every scrap and turning in into something new.
So far my sewing hobby has cost $80 on startup stuff. I had some sewing stuff at home that my mom is sending up; but I might also need to get some more things from the store depending on how it goes. My bf bought me the sewing mashine too. Idk I want to do crafts and have the money to be able to create but since i dont it makes me super nervous and everything is really high stakes. I dont want to be out on the street when the $60 I used to buy some fabric would have come in handy.
[ 1:14pm ]
Im already regreting getting my hopes up. I'm drafting the design for the saddlebags right now, and there were some things that I hope are sold here but if not I'll have to pay shipping to get even more stuff. Also this is quickly becoming way too ambitions; I have so many design ideas when in reality I should just be making this a double tote bag. I might have enough fabric that I could make a 'basic' version as my first project and then later on down the line make the dream one. My real problem was that I bought the fabric before making the patterens; then I would know exactally how much I needed. Next time; I learned my lesson.
Also I decided to wait till bf gets back from work to drive me to work because I don't want to drag 3 garbage bags across town. So Im going a bit coo coo from not being able to do the thing I need to do.
I also found a way cheaper and easier way to serve the same function of bike saddlebags, but it wouldnt be as fun :(
Honestly in my situation I should just do that. But I wanted to get into sewing so that I can design and make things; taking someone else's how to diy without changing it would be the antethisis to what I want to achive.
I'm getting tired and a headache now, so I'll stop and watch some anime till he gets home.
[ 1:49pm ]
Damn genjitsu no yohane ended on a cliffhanger. I do hate when series start a conclusion and then interupt it with a fight / encounter / event. Like Yohane had some tension and I understand that they wern't just gonna send her off with 2 episodes to spare. But its so jarring. And then I dont even give a shit about the badly timed random event because it just interupted a story beat and I just care about that story beat!! I get that the event was teased every once in awhile; but dont interupt one story beat for it! It's just a writing ick I have.
[ 2:13pm ]
First thoughts on NakaImo
The 'twists' are so easy to connetct the dots its funny. Foreshadowing but its fore-fronting because its not even slightly conseasled. The main girl is cute, but I am a sucker for derederes. Also girls that like sweets is a big w for me, if I went to a rich kid school I too would eat a cream puff for breakfast on the way there. Although the story never said anything about it being an all girls school, I don't think there was a single dude on campus. The setup is easy to get into and gives a good push twords the ecchi/harem angle, but the ""mystery imouto"" feels so gimmicky.
Like I enjoy imouto characters. I'm not paticularly a fan of sibling relationships in media, but it isn't enough to stop me from enjoying a series. Most of the time if I just change out siblings for childhood friends when it comes up its much more paletable. Btw childhood friend is the IDEAL archetype and I will not budge. They seem to be absent from this series but thats fine. The way that time passes makes me think it might be based off of an eroge or visual novel, even though it was originally a light novel. Makes me intrested about how they handled that in the light novel.
Anyways mc is bland as per usual. Konoe is paticularly moe, I like how she teases mc sometimes despite her otherwise bubbly attitude and how she is true to her feelings. Miyabi could have been good if she had some reason to join the harem but she had 0 interaction with him other than teasing him for a kiss. I always hope the tsuns change / open up early because then once you know their real side for the majority of the airtime it makes her violent antics in the begining endeering. But when they stay tsun indefinatly it gets annoying. I really like the character growth posibilities of them, but if they just stay a stagnant archetype its hard to enjoy their presance.
Imagining a spin off where Truck-kun sucseeded and Konoe got isekai'd to a SoL fantasy world with the other girls without looser mc.
[ 2:43pm ]
NakaImo ep 2
Dude is part of a super influential and rich family and just lets himself get mugged? If hes that big of a deal wouldnt he wear a mask or try and hide his identity?
The dance was a good idea, and the episode also makes me think of this harem more as him trying out marrige partners / giving everyone a chance then random girls tossing themselves at him, wich makes a lot more sense. Exept when there are random girls throwing themselves at him. Build up the romance or make their panties wet at the sound of him opening the classroom door, choose one but dont do both. I don't like the mc but at least he is considerate about the 'mishaps' and tries to make sure that the girls feel comfortable with him despite a tendancy to trip into boobs.
[ 3:11pm ]
NakaImo ep 3
The casual homophobia of ecchi anime is always hilarious to me.


Wait so was the thing that un-tsuned the dere was him seeing her boobs? That was it? She was still tsun after the dance so why was the lucky pervert moment what changed her?
And the thing that makes him dq his sister is a soap bottle thats from a series he liked as a kid? Like Miyabi could have just liked that series too its not that deep bro. I like the student counsil's advice and wish he used it with his regection.
Bf should be home soon but I dont want to work im tired now. Might stop watching and take a cat nap.
[ 6:37pm ]
I didnt end up getting to nap because i got the hiccups :(
Once he got home, we dropped off the laundry at work and got groceries (he even got me grapes :o). Since then i've been fucking arround on 4chan.
[ 7:32pm ]
Finally finished Yuru Camp s2.
When s2 started airing, I tried to watch it with my old bf and he never wanted to agree on a time and so we ended up getting 3 episodes in over a year. Since kirara is a big intrest of mine it kinda hurt, and ive been hesitant about starting it again. But I love yuru camp, so I did. I never wanted to watch too much that I would run out of it though. So it ending feels more significant.
I also have the OVAS and Heya Camp so its not like I'm completly done. But up to date on the main series in time for s3 to eventually come out and hopefully not be shit.